


I can't bear to lose you

by Princess0moo



Series: one-shot [2]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Charles in a Wheelchair, Erik Has Feelings, Erik needs a hug, One Shot, Poor Charles, Poor Erik, Pre-Relationship, Sebastian Shaw can go fuck himself, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 20:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16456664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess0moo/pseuds/Princess0moo
Summary: we all need somebody to lean on(I gave you something happy for the first part of the one-shot series, now prepare to cry)





	I can't bear to lose you

**Author's Note:**

> Sich Verpissen - that is a nice German for "Fuck off."

I look up at the starry sky from the window, alone yet again. I probably wouldn't be so bothered by it if it hadn't been my birthday. I sigh knowing it’s partly my own doing. Maybe, if I could just start talking to my fellow peers like I did before – instead of living in my head or locking myself in my room studying – I wouldn't be sitting here alone. No, I can’t do that, I can’t stand the looks from people that knew me before. I cannot complain though, I still have my best friend at school, (though ever since the trial for his mother murder started we haven’t talked much) and my lab partner. 

A cool, September breeze blew through the open window beckoning me back from my thoughts. I carefully pull it closed and wheeled myself to my door. I could still hear my stepfather shouting at my mother from their room. I have grown used to blocking such moments out of my mind and move as quietly as a boy in a Wheelchair can down the hall. 

“Charles?” A quiet voice calls out to me from the kitchen. Raven, my adopted older sister, and my most trusted companion, normally waits for me there to help me sneak out; at least before she does herself. She never has liked the idea of me doing this but she knows I have to get away from the yelling. So every night she reluctantly opened the door and let me have my peace.

I smile and squeezing her hand. “Thank you, dear,” I whisper before I rolling out the door.

It took a bit of effort to get to the elevator. Not surprisingly, I don't have the best upper body strength, even after being in physical therapy for all that time, but gradually it was getting easier to move around. I press the button for the ground floor. Once the doors close I relax just happy to get out of that apartment.  
________________________________________

I made my way up to the roof of an old-ish building. The same building, I grew up in before everything went to hell, before the accident, before my mother got remarried to a probable demon from hell and his spawn. He looked up at the crisp fall night sky. Everything feels so quiet, even the traffic on the ground seemed to take a note to settle. I sigh looking back up at the sky; it was always clearest on nights like this.

I roll out into the open before I catching a glimpse of a person sitting casually on the ledge. The familiar scent of cigarette smoke fills my nose. I quietly gasp and grip the armrest of my chair. I normally can't stand that smell; it sometimes brings back unwanted memories. But this time, my heart just starts racing, not from fear or asthma, but because it was Erik.   
________________________________________  
I’ve known for quite some time now that I love him. I might not have realized it at first but there was always some sort of connection. I remember the first time we met. He was an exchange student from the Polish-German border that only got into this school from a scholarship. I was the student body council president and head of the student exchange program (mostly because I’m very quick to learn languages or at least enough to do my job or at least it was my job until I lost my legs). It was the middle of the year, and from the first, we shook hands, the first time our eyes met, it felt like I was floating and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. About halfway through the year, Erik’s mom got shot, the police thought it was just some gang shooting and she got in the way by accident. Erik was furious; he had gotten detention earlier that day and had to stay after school for a few hours around the same time it happened. I stay after so I could finish some things for the student council meeting tomorrow. I suddenly heard a loud noise and someone shouting. I poked my head out of the room and cautiously walked down the hallway. When I turned the corner, I was none other than my best friend punching the wall. I rushed over to him and grabbed Erik’s wrists to try and stop him from damaging himself or anything else more (which, now that I'm thinking about it, wasn’t one of my smartest ideas.). He struggled against my weak grip; I could tell he was holding back tears. I didn't know what happened but knew it had to be bad to make him lose his composure like that. “Erik. Erik! I need you to calm down.” I said, it a few more tries and slowly he calmed down. I wrapped my arms around him. I could feel him shake, trying not cry. “It's ok my friend, I'm sure everything’s going to be ok,” I said trying to soothe him.

It didn’t help much though, he kept quietly saying to himself, “It's my entire fault. I should have been there. I could have saved her.” He stayed like that until my ride was here. I knew Erik would want to be alone, so I didn't offer him a ride home like I did every day. The next day, I learned about what happened to his mom. That very same day all the work I did to open Erik up and get to know him, was destroyed. I never gave up though. Persistently I would still sit by him every day during our study hall and try to make conversation. I even tried speaking in polish, even though I was quite wretched at it because I knew all my simple mistakes amused him. Later that week, I found him on this same roof, smoking a cigarette. He was never the same person after his mother was murdered. He was now more rigid, bitter, and angry. But no matter how hard he tried to push me away, I pulled back and never let go.

I remember the day the doctors said I would be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. I remember someone telling me that the car crash killed my father. I'm not sure if I cried that day, I was probably so high on morphine that I didn't fully even understand what either of those statements meant. The next few days after that, they started to sink in. I felt so many conflicting emotions; anger, loneliness, fear, confusion, shock, loneliness, I lost a lot of myself those days. Many days were a blurred together montage of medication, visiting hours, a lack of visitors except maybe someone from the student council dropping of homework and such. I didn't do any of it, I just couldn't. How could the world move on so quickly while I was stuck in this room never able to move freely again? 

I remember raven coming to visit me every day for a week she sat by my bedside and I could hear her crying and saying, “Oh god Charles, I'm so sorry. This shouldn't have happened to you.” That last thing hurt more than the numbness in my legs. She said the usual updates of what was going on at home. Mom started drinking, we both knew she did beforehand but now, I guess, she wasn't trying to make it a secret anymore. Raven paused, waiting for me to say something but I just stared at the ceiling silently as I had been for the past week. She held my hand and pleaded, “Please say something. Please, please, please, say something, anything, please. I can't stand hearing just that bloody machine beeping.” she waited for a reply, I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell her to stop crying and say “don’t worry, it'll all be ok.” like I use to when we were younger. But then I didn't even have the willpower to do anything more than squeeze her trembling hand. 

Eventually, she stood up and left. I sighed and closed my eyes, waiting for the door to close. When it finally did, I tried to push back the tears. It hurt, everything hurt. I could hear the door opening again and someone else quietly walking towards me. I smelled a faint scent of cigarettes. I tensed up, until I heard the person's voice, “Hello my friend, how have you been? This room must be so boring just being here by yourself.” He sat down in the same chair raven was just in. I opened my eyes and turned my head towards him. He smiled, the same smiled he had before his mom died. But I could he could be worried and had not been sleeping, it was so apparent in the dark circles under his eyes. He glanced down at my legs I could see his smile faltering. I carefully moved my hand towards his, so I didn't knock the I.V. out of my arm and for the first time in a while, I opened my mouth and said, “It’s going to be ok. Really I'm… fine. It’s going to be fine” 

We were silent for a minute before he spoke again. “You know; I tried to come to see you every day. They said after you heard the news that your mind went into shock, the other times you were knocked out by pain meds that you wouldn’t be up for much company.” After that, we talk and talked for hours before he pulled a rectangular box out of his bag. “I remember the first week I came to school here I saw you playing chess all by yourself. I thought maybe you could teach me, just to pass the time.” 

I smiled, “of course my friend.” we pulled the board out and set up the pieces. I quickly I learned that he was quite good at it and that he already knew how some of the pieces moved. We played multiple games before the nurse came in to tell Erik that visiting hours were over. He packed up his bag and stood up. I reached for him and grabbed on to his wrist. “You'll come back tomorrow, right? As you did say earlier this room is quite boring.”

He smiled again and nodded. My heart fluttered in my chest causing the monitor to make a quick beeping noise. I didn't sleep so much that night. My mind wouldn't stop thinking, questioning. But the next day, just as he promised, he came back, and the next he did the same, and the next day and the next day and the next day. This went on for about little over a month, he helped me catch up on the school I had missed. I “taught” him more things about chess. He even managed to bring Raven for my first day of physical therapy (which from I heard wasn't that hard). But one day, the day was officially released from the hospital, he never showed. I waited for as long as I could but he never came. The next day, I went to school, I felt everyone's eyes on me, I could feel every whisper, every glance, I could practically read the thoughts and the looks of pity on all their faces. Sometimes I would have to have my lab partner/student council vice president, hank, push me to the next class we shared because my arms finally gave out, it was humiliating. And when lunchtime finally came around I hide in the library. I hoped I would see Erik, waiting patiently for me to help him on the French homework, we got. I again waited, but he never came.

The next day though, I did see him. He was tense, agitated, tired. Anyone who tried to talk to him, he would snap at and mumble, “Sich verpissen!” in a not so quiet manner. He never raised his voice at me though, and whenever I needed help moving around, even if I didn't ask, he would gently push me through the halls being careful not to bump into anything. Everyone stared at us, but I wasn't focusing on that too much, I was more focused on the slight burning in my cheeks. Later that day, back on that old roof, he told that trial for his mother's murder had started when I was being released from the hospital. He also talked about how tomorrow was going to be the first day he would have to go on the witness stand. I gave him a hug; told him everything was going to be fine. I was shocked the moment those strong wrapped tightly around my small frame and he started to cry, Erik never cried. The sound was heart-wrenching; it broke my heart. We stayed like that for a while. I could feel my heart start to speed up. And that's when I knew… I had fallen in love with my best friend.  
________________________________________  
I stay there stunned for a moment just watching Erik take a drag on his cigarette. He’s wearing a suit. Today must be the day the verdict for the trial is to be announced. I clear my throat feeling it dry up, This must have caught his attention because he tiredly turns his head towards me. He bitterly smiles and speaks with a slight slur. “Hey Charles, what are doing here?” he got off the ledge and walked over to me. I open my mouth but no words seem to come out. It probably wouldn’t have mattered anyway because he continued talking anyway. “Well, they got the verdict back. You want to know what the jury said?” his voice got dangerously low. “Not guilty they said. NOT GUILTY! The untouchable Sebastian-fucking-Shaw will be free to walk down the street tomorrow and there’s nothing they can do about it but wait till he slips up.” 

I take a sharp breath, “Oh god Erik, I’m so sorry…”

He stands up angrily mumbling the phrase, “I’m going to kill him.”

I grabbed his wrist. “Erik please doesn’t.”

“There’s nothing you can do to stop me, Charles.” He tried to pull away; he probably could if he wanted too.

I wrapped my arms around him and soon enough he broke down in tears. “I know, but for my sake please I can’t bear to lose you.”

**Author's Note:**

> alright, everyone, let's be real... if anyone of us were on that jury and someone said "not guilty." someone would have thrown hands.


End file.
